🖥 Zoom Party Guide
👩🏻💻 How to Navigate the Digital Play Space
🌎 Zoom parties are a whole new world that we’re all discovering together.
🫦 We all had to learn how to be sociable, sexy, and consent-based in person - and now that everything is moving to Zoom… well… we’ve gotta relearn a lot.
💄Lookin’ good
Being on zoom presents some unique logistical challenges! Some suggestions for setting up your zoom playspace:
🎥 Consider camera and distance! You don’t need to buy a webcam (though some people do!), but getting some space between you and the computer helps a TON - it gives a field of view, lets people see more than just your face, and close-ups actually do a weird fishbowl type thing to you. Get yourself a wireless keyboard, or even just a USB keyboard with a long cable!
🖼 Setting is important. So, you’ve got some distance from your camera - now think about what people are looking at behind/around you!
💡Lights! Especially if you have a laptop or phone camera, you need solid lighting - the grainy look is not it. Lights from behind will mess with the aperture of the camera and make you look really dark - put lights in front of you and behind the camera, or to your side. LEDs that change color can be awesome.
⌨️ Getting the Tech Right
A couple of things that will make your Zoom experience way better and make connection easier.
First, did you know that you can text chat with people in Zoom, by clicking on the ellipses in the top right of their window? Yeah! This is a great way to interact 1:1, to cut through the noise, or to organize a smaller side-zoom.
Second, have your own private zoom room set up ahead of time. This way, if you want to have a little group hang out on your own, you can just link people and invite them over. The zoom account is free for meetings up to 40 minutes. Super worth it!
‼️Consent
Consent in a digital setting like this is a whole new world. We want to take those principles and apply them so that everyone can have a fun, safe and care-full, experience. This is absolutely a work in progress that we’re all working together on, but here are our thoughts:
🚫First, obviously, don’t record any part of the zoom, in any way. Even if you have everyone’s explicit permission, it violates the space of trust that we’re building together.
💃🏻 If you're in front of the camera you are consenting to be watched by the people on the zoom.
🧑🏽💻You have an obligation to join the zoom from a private, uninterrupted space, since other participants are consenting to be seen by people on zoom — and no one else.
📷You have an obligation to have your camera on: people are consenting to be present with each other, and one person opting out of that creates a trust imbalance. Without trust, you can't have consent.
How to honor consent in a virtual forLove space?
> Use and respect our R/G/Y naming convention (Below)
> Establish consent in 1:1 chat, not over video
> Don’t pester. Once is asking, twice is checking, three times is harassment. (More on our Consent page)
> By showing up, you’re consenting to be watched politely.
forLove events are Invite ONLY
> The only people at our events are members with tickets. This includes partners or roommates.
> No one under 18 is allowed in person or on camera EVER.
No dangerous or harmful behavior
> No violence, hate speech, microaggressions, stalking, shaming or threats.
> No over-intoxication or illicit substance use in person or on camera.
> No spamming or soliciting other members.
No creeping
> You can watch, but don’t leer: staring for an extended period, without commenting, participating, sharing or contributing is not welcome.
> No recording.
> Never photograph, screenshot, record or otherwise capture anything at our parties, in any way, ever. *Always keep your phone off-camera for virtual events.
No sliding into DM’s
> On Facebook (or any other SM platform,) do not friend request or Direct Message team or members you have not met and interacted with at an event and who have not given you their consent.
Respect privacy
> Only join via a secure network, on a secure computer, and in a private place.
> What happens here stays here. You can share your own experiences, but not others’
> Do not disclose members’ identities to anyone in or out of forLove.
> Do not copy/paste content from our website or Facebook page into Messenger or ANY other medium.
> Refer to people ONLY by their screen name (alias). (More on our Privacy and Anonymity page)
> Respect the room
> Every space we run has a type of activity that’s appropriate.
> Defer to the room host. If you don’t like what a host is doing, or want to do something else, you can leave the room.
RGY: Signaling consent online
At our events, the first level of consent is your OPENNESS to being interacted WITH.
You change your screen name or alias to indicate your openness.
Green(G) - you are open to receiving flirtatious requests or offers! For example: ‘Hi sexy’, ‘Wow, I saw that!’, ‘That was so hot,” If you don’t like something or want it to stop, you are taking on the responsibility to speak up for yourself and say no in the moment. In some rooms, G indicates an openness to being “spotlighted” by the room host.
Yellow (Y) - you’d prefer to be asked permission before someone engages with you, “Pins” you, or spotlights you. This might look like: “Hi, would you like to flirt?” “Would you like to have a private chat?” or “Permission to approach?” If you don’t include a color in your alias, we’ll treat you like you’re a Yellow.
Red(R) - you don’t want to be engaged with, pinned, or spotlighted, and will take it upon yourself to offer or ask for engagement. Please don't engage with people indicating Red(R) on their screens unless they’ve explicitly invited you.
Here’s what it looks like:
Single person example: G Bobby He/him
Couple example: Y Bobby He/him and Y Sara She/Her
You can switch from one color to another at any point during an event. If someone doesn’t respect your color, (By, for instance, making repeated sexual comments when you’re a yellow, or approaching repeatedly when you’re a red) we’ll treat it as a consent violation.